natural rudeness is the worst. people who actually don't even know when they're being rude. talking to them is like playing a game of russian roulette.
you know, people used to call ME rude. yeah, i admit i was kinda cruel sometimes a few years back, but that's a different kind of rudeness. I would never hurt anyone intentionally, if I noticed I hurt them I would apologize. Unless they hurt me first, of course. and I'm NOT counting unintentional hurts. Those things are tricky. Because how can I apologize when I don't know you're hurt? And how can I know you're hurt if you don't tell me? If we let unintentional hurts go on for too long, it becomes more hurtful than it has to be. For both of us. If only people could talk more to each other instead of just assuming it was intentional.
But i understand, as long as you never know who the naturally rude people are, it's not easy to dare open up, not without being afraid to get even more hurt. So yeah, I sometimes choose not to talk, but that is not because I'm rude, it's because the real (naturally) rude people gave me my social anxiety. Yes, that's what I've had for a long time. because growing up, i was laughed at. I finally stopped saying anything because I felt like I couldn't say anything without being attacked or made fun of. so then its easier to be quiet, right?
but the good news is I'd actually prefer it if I could become the victim again. it would be like people would finally see me through my past. because once you know what it feels like to be bullied, being a bully is out of the question, and being wrongfully accused of being a bully is an even worse experience. i promise, you do not want to go through that.
but i wonder, aren't we just all the same people in different stages?
when we are brave, we don't have a care in the world. we don't over-think, we don't second-guess. we just are. the problem is: we think others wont care either. it's true that many won't, but some do. we just can't always know when. because people who get hurt a lot go quiet...
then one day, a brave one gets hurt. at first he questions it, but the more times he gets hurt, the more he breaks. in the end, he will also become quiet, he will over-think and second-guess, because he doesn't want to get hurt again, he is trying to figure out the right things to say, afraid to speak his mind, and he will mind every word the brave say ...
but what is it that makes us brave again? and why do we hurt others when we are brave? is it because we assume that all other people are brave, too? i think there are two kinds of naturally rude people: those who have forgotten what it feels like to feel hurt. and those who have been so hurt in life they have lost all memories of a world without rudeness.
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