I know the following lyrics are about something different,
but when I heard them the other day,
I couldn't help but to interpret them a bit differently.
so I cut out the pieces of the lyrics that fit my mind:
Kinda lose your sense of time
'Cause the days don't matter no more
All the feelings that you hide
Gonna tear you up inside
You hope she knows you tried
Follows you around all day
And you wake up soaking wet
...
You've been walking around in tears
No answers are there to get
You won't ever be the same
...
Struggling with a fight inside
Sorrow you'll defeat
The picture you see, it won't disappear
...
You're trying to ease off
But you know you won't get far
And now she's up there
seemslike an angel ...
Unforgivable Sinner
I used to love this song as a teenager as well,
but at that time - I saw myself as the sinner.
My motto is to never hide anything anymore,
maybe sometimes because I'm not able to,
but I definitely live as I learn.
I remember how I always used to feel like a victim,
like I was being disliked by 90% of the population
which made me appreciate the 10% more.
but somewhere along the line, things changed.
and now I can't stand the 10% who dislike me.
so I begin to wonder how I used to handle it.
what I remember from my teens is lots of music.
inspired by photographs and taking my own photos.
impressed by others' drawings then making my own.
sex, drugs & rock n roll,
drowning myself in art and emotion.
and thus, status quo has been reached.
because those are parts of their world,
the world I left behind.
I know it so well, but now I had enough of it.
and even though I still like fantasy stories,
and visiting imaginary, pretty video game worlds,
I choose life, happiness and rainbows again,
and therefor, I once again became vulnerable:
the returning punishment for being happy.
and along comes the new born devils,
who are unable to see that I was once one of them,
and therefor they treat me as a boring human being,
without any regards of my inner history
- as if there are no reasonable reasons for my behavior.
that is why it hurts so much when the time comes;
when the self-proclaimed angels from hell strike you,
and their self-righteous actions poison you with angst.
was I just as naive as them when I was their age?
did I really believe all adults always had been the same?
'no adults understand us, we don't want to be like them'.
oh, how wrong we were. wasting an eternity on false beliefs.
youth will always keep feeling attacked for no good reason,
fighting against the 'common' and 'true' just because it's not right,
as if history was wrong. and when today's kids hopefully grow up one day,
they will see and realize the never-ending irony of it all.
that is why life for us survivors IS, and always will be, unfair.
the meaning of life is,
to live for the moment and embrace the beauty around you,
so don't judge after age for you will too be judged one day.
