party + birthday

we spent so much time, money and effort on this day so that even if it was partly a birthday party and people brought us presents, i think we gave away more than we received. but as hosts i can honestly say that it was worth it all. all the positive and hopefully honest feedback we got was really all we needed. the appreciation that other people showed to what we had been doing proved to us that the energy we put in making everything "perfect" actually paid off.



as i can remember, i haven't had a birthday party since i was 10 - and the people back then wasnt really the positive kind when it came to yours truly. so you could imagine why i have avoided hosting parties at all for the past 20 years. pure fear of not being liked i guess. but also it is a result of me not having a close group of own friends, but more like scattered contacts in different places who don't know each other. and the result of this party shows the same - the people who showed up were all from my boyfriends' circle of friends, not mine. because i don't even have a circle. sure I could invite a bunch of strangers to meet each other, but at this short notice, i can understand why this happened. i'm always the chameleon so i'm used to being the one who makes the sacrifices.



not trying to be a martyr here, just saying ... i dont make friends easily. do i wish i did? sometimes. but there are reasons behind my actions, just like there are reasons for yours. so as long as there is that kind of acceptence, i dont have a problem with people. but when people expect you to be someone youre not, it automatically goes wrong.



luckily, there were mostly people i had met before at our party, so i was feeling pretty secure. maybe it was for the best that i didnt mix my old friends with these new ones, or i might have become more nervous. i don't know, i'm just so lucky to have a social butterfly as a boyfriend. it was just what me and my self-asteem needed - someone to help me fly - not someone trying to convince me wings are for bad people.