    | the header is actually the name of a series of outdoor music events for electronic music in stockholm. (swedish version of the expression "the birds and the bees"). the events are always held during summer, surrounded by nature, hence the name. unfortunately, I didn't take any photos of my visit on saturday. it was fun and all but i've been there (and to similar places) so many times before that i don't even find it that special anymore. i guess this is the downside to being experienced - you become more difficult to impress. but lately, i've noticed that i don't get impressed by much at all. people can pretty much do or say anything around me, i don't even bother anymore. even if my life is closing in on perfect more and more for each day, my head just can't take it all in, and it sucks knowing that my feelings are wrong. just that by itself is really frustrating. but the worst part is that sometimes, i am simply not being me anymore, second-guessing myself to pieces. and it is affecting people around me. especially those who don't know anything about my past. it is as if I constantly need to remind myself of who i really am because strangers are starting to define me with their shallow opinions. i keep telling myself that happiness is just around the corner, but i'm just swinging back and forth in emotional limbo at the moment, not feeling what i should be feeling, focusing on the bad 1% and turning it into 99% which is pretty much emptying all of my energy reserves and giving me headaches. i've been trying to find a solution to this problem for the past year. some days i believe i've finally found it. but then, before I know it, it's as if I'm back to square one. again. |
back on topic, the photos above are from another party called art of sound which started the same time as f&b ended. this place called slakthuset is known to me but, in contrast to f&b, i hadn't really been there before. still, i was not very impressed. maybe my expectations were too high? either way, i'm starting to wonder; what do i have to do to be able to break my chains?
