"You are feeling a little torn between two amazing alternatives -- are you sure there's no way for you to choose both? If not, you may have to leave it to chance, or wait for another time."
this (leo 2012-04-26) can be said both about my personal life (a) and my career (b).
because i don't want to sacrifice anything. i want to be in between, like i've always been.
but the more i learn, the more my perspective change. so I change.
(a)
it seems i have lost my ability to be the chameleon with the best of both worlds.
instead, i fall in between the cracks, ending up not belonging in either part.
that's like my childhood all over again, and i really wish i could just turn it back around.
(b)
to have a sketchy part-time job
and be offered a boring second,
while having a shot at a full-time job,
which is way out of my own league.
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why is nothing ever perfect? as it should be. as it was!
about 9 months ago, before my life got completely messed up.
not only professionally, but even emotionally because of reasons that
were out of my control; judgmental people ruining the very core of who i am,
sabotaging my happiness and poisoning my self-confidence to such a point
that i no longer wanted to live in this world.
life is too damn tough and too damn unfair.
and it seems like the drama never ever stops, no matter where you go.
i realize now that it is just a matter of being able to handle it.
which i apparently can't.
so, who's to blame? does it really matter?
what DOES matter is each and every one's own happiness,
that is my belief, even if some who are unhappy have the need to
break happy people down for stupid reasons.
my list of priorities in life:
1. love (future family)
2. money / wealth / pleasure
3. hobbies / personal growth
4. physical health
6. real family (past)
7. friends / connections
8. work / career / business
yeah. that's right.
i don't really care about friends or work.
but when all first 6 are solved,
it seems like focus is automatically shifted to 7 & 8.
damn it.
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